Today it’s one month since Andrei’s passing, but to me it feels like minutes. While I miss so many things about him and the things we did together, there are a few things he did that surprised me like no other. One of them was what I call The Anti-Bucket List.
Some months ago, when Andrei was sitting in my room while I plugged away at my thesis novel, I asked him if there was anything he really wished he could do in life that he hadn’t yet done. He thought a minute and said, “Well, I’ve already done so much—I made it to America and built a life from scratch. I’ve been nearly around the world, and I have the love of a good woman. There’s not much more I could want.”
Nevertheless, he did take up a notebook and pen and begin writing anyway. I wrote too, but I didn’t think much of my “bucket list” question. It wasn’t until a couple of weeks ago that I really looked at the list he’d pulled out of the notebook and thumb tacked to the bulletin board above my desk. When I did, I was amazed. Instead of some super-achiever bucket list of hopes and dreams, Andrei had simply written a list of the things he loved to do. Everyday things.
While I won’t say what was at the top of the list (that’s a little too personal), I will mention a few items that made his day.
+Sleeping in
+Cooking together, sharing meals, going out to eat
+Playing guitar and singing
+Walks
+Hot showers
+Working in the garden
+Weekend drives
+Visiting with friends
+Telling Steph how much I love her
The point here is not really to share Andrei’s list, but to share his idea. When was the last time you sat down and wrote out a list of the things you really love to do? Maybe if we all did this once or twice in a lifetime we’d all be much happier people. So much of our culture is about striving for things we don’t have. But what about the things we do have?
Reminding us to treasure them may be Andrei’s greatest gift.
If you’re feeling inspired, get out a pen and paper and start listing the things you really love. Things that make you happy, that make you feel fulfilled. You might be surprised at what you find. Loving Andrei will always be high on mine.
Hi Steph,
I asked Greg about his bucket list and it changed recently to the more simple things in life vs the bigger more adventurous things we have dreamed about in the past. I agree with Andrei and Greg. The simple and daily routines I realized I loved the most. Yvonne
I hear you. It really is the simple everyday things that make the most difference. I realized I got cranky if I hadn’t held Andrei’s hand or given him a hug all day or heard his voice. (Imagine how cranky I am now…) I guess these days I find myself doing a lot of the things we did together just to try to relive some of those moments. Andrei, Greg, and you are my heroes. Steph
Melanie here! I enjoyed this piece, please email me–I have a question about your blog. MelanieLBowen[at]gmail[dot]com